The simplest explanation is that I ate too much and didn’t do anything but sit on my fat ass waiting for it to get fatter. By the way, I do NOT mean “fat” as in, “Oh, I’m so fat, my size 2 jeans are a tad snug!”
I’ve gotten very heavy twice in my life. Both times I was in a relationship. It has a little bit to do with my desire to please coinciding so perfectly with a man’s unending appetite for food. I do like cooking. I like when people eat my cooking and enjoy it. And I like enjoying it with them. Whipping up a lasagna is sure to garner some praise. I like praise.
I’m sure there is some kind of fun psychobabble reason why this happens when I am in love. Maybe I don’t think I deserve to be loved. Maybe I am afraid of being rejected for my weight so I put on a bunch of weight to make sure the boyfriend isn’t going to run off when I inevitably get fatter. Maybe I was emotionally scarred by the focus my whole family put on weight and it makes it impossible to have a healthy attitude about it or believe that there isn’t something horribly wrong with me, even when there isn’t. Funny thing is, neither guy ever cared about the weight gain or much about the weight loss, honestly. I think my current boyfriend is actually missing some of that flab. I swear to god, if he leaves me for someone fatter, I WILL take him on Dr. Phil.
I have identified several emotions and situations that cause me to overeat or eat when I am not hungry.
- Boredom. “Nothing to do, may as well eat.”
- Stress. “I had a hard day so I deserve this 2000 calorie Carl’s Jr. dinner”
- Sadness. “I can’t control this horrible thing in my life, but I can eat this pie.”
- Social situations. “I have to eat french toast AND bacon AND eggs AND potatoes because all my friends are eating it.”
- Anger. “Fuck this shit, I’m having an ice cream sundae.”
- Drinking. “I’m drunk and I don’t give a shit what’s good for me! Pass the chili cheese fries.”
The remedy that has worked so well for me is simply to stop and think and not drink enough to get drunk. I know, I too am amazed at the complexity.
Kind of like that day I realized I wouldn’t have gotten so fat if I hadn’t eaten so much.