The Past is the Past

The things they said

This is a post about the past.  I am past all this stuff.  I’m over it.  I am in control of my own self-esteem, not at the whim of the passing comments of those who know not what they do.  But I just want to share it because I never have and I’ve decided I do not want to hold these things inside where they can fester.  I want to set them free and be free of them.

This is a list of some of the most hurtful things people have said to me over the years regarding my weight.  Each of these incidents crushed a little part of me that was struggling to be okay and I focused on these things last time I lost weight, the wrong way.

My younger brother, when I was a kid and a teenager:

Called me a cow and would Mooo at me.

Acted like an earthquake was taking place whenever I walked by.

Had many names for me like Blubberbutt and Lardass

My mother:

Never directly said anything negative to me, but constantly criticized her own body, her “thunder thighs”, calling herself fat and huge.  I was bigger than her so I took these comments as criticisms of myself.  If she thinks SHE’S fat, she must think I’m massive.

A random stranger on the street as I walked by when I was about 20:

“If my wife was as fat as you, I’d divorce her”

Another random stranger when I was walking home from the gym, after I’d lost quite a bit of weight

“Your ass is HUGE” (I’ve since realized this might have been meant as a compliment, but did not take it that way)

The guys I liked who didn’t like me back:

“You’re not my type” (Which I knew meant “I’d never date a fatty, you’re disgusting”)

___________

These things have no power over me anymore.  In fact, they seem silly.  I understand how and why they hurt me so badly and I recognize that some of them were not meant to be hurtful.  But it now seems ridiculous that I would tie my own feeling of self-worth to the words of anyone!  I guess it took me 32 years to be adult enough to figure that out.

I forgive these people, all of them.  And I let this go.  Good riddance.

2 thoughts on “The things they said

  1. K8yk this breaks my heart as I know it goes on all of the time. People can be cruel and a lot of the time they don’t realize just how cruel they really are. I am glad you have come to terms with all of this. Towanda!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s