This is a post about the past. I am past all this stuff. I’m over it. I am in control of my own self-esteem, not at the whim of the passing comments of those who know not what they do. But I just want to share it because I never have and I’ve decided I do not want to hold these things inside where they can fester. I want to set them free and be free of them.
This is a list of some of the most hurtful things people have said to me over the years regarding my weight. Each of these incidents crushed a little part of me that was struggling to be okay and I focused on these things last time I lost weight, the wrong way.
My younger brother, when I was a kid and a teenager:
Called me a cow and would Mooo at me.
Acted like an earthquake was taking place whenever I walked by.
Had many names for me like Blubberbutt and Lardass
Never directly said anything negative to me, but constantly criticized her own body, her “thunder thighs”, calling herself fat and huge. I was bigger than her so I took these comments as criticisms of myself. If she thinks SHE’S fat, she must think I’m massive.
A random stranger on the street as I walked by when I was about 20:
“If my wife was as fat as you, I’d divorce her”
Another random stranger when I was walking home from the gym, after I’d lost quite a bit of weight
“Your ass is HUGE” (I’ve since realized this might have been meant as a compliment, but did not take it that way)
The guys I liked who didn’t like me back:
“You’re not my type” (Which I knew meant “I’d never date a fatty, you’re disgusting”)
These things have no power over me anymore. In fact, they seem silly. I understand how and why they hurt me so badly and I recognize that some of them were not meant to be hurtful. But it now seems ridiculous that I would tie my own feeling of self-worth to the words of anyone! I guess it took me 32 years to be adult enough to figure that out.
I forgive these people, all of them. And I let this go. Good riddance.