I’ve never run 2 miles before in my whole life. I guess it just took me 32 years to be able to do it. I’ll be running that 5K in no time!
This isn’t really about weight anymore. I mean, sure I want to lose more fat, but I am much more interested in improving my athletic abilities now. I’m thinking of all the things I could try to do that I’ve never done before like rock climbing, running marathons, kickboxing… the possibilities are endless.
I’ve spent most of my life focused on non-physical parts of myself. I’ve devoted endless hours to art, reading, writing, music and other intellectual pursuits. I’m a classical guitarist, an accomplished digital and traditional artist, very well read, quite informed. But I never really paid that much attention to my physical abilities. I think I couldn’t because I really hated my body. I didn’t even want to think about anything that would make me focus on my physical being. It always seemed like this shell I was trapped in, not truly a part of me. I’ve come to realize how untrue that is.
Our bodies are a part of us. My body IS me. Yes, I have my intellect and my emotions, but I never really put much thought into just how tied my inner person is to my body. They are not two separate things.
I’ve become very aware of just how lucky I am that I caught myself before I lost my health. If I had kept gaining weight the way I was, I certainly would have been in a wheelchair eventually. And if I had kept starving myself the way I did in the past, I could have lost even more of myself, inner and outer.
Realizing all this has made me accept myself. I may not be gorgeous like the women I see on tv and in magazines, but why did that ever stop me from loving myself? Why did I think that one way was the only acceptable way for a woman to look? Why didn’t I see it all along? All of that is a farce. When I look around me at my job or the gym or the grocery store, I see many types of women and very few of them look like a model. My artist’s eye finds all people aesthetically pleasing in one way or another, and now I can say that includes myself.
When I read the heartbreaking stories of women with eating disorders, I finally see it for what it is: such a tragic mistake. How sad that people are so afraid of being fat that they would rather be dead. What incredibly flawed logic. I think I understand where it comes from.
Anyway, I’m running away from all that! Now I want to lose weight, not to fit into anyone else’s mold of what a woman should be, but to maximize my own physical potential and to honor my body the way it deserves.
Here’s to the next mile!