I ran 2 miles!

I’ve never run 2 miles before in my whole life.  I guess it just took me 32 years to be able to do it.  I’ll be running that 5K in no time!

This isn’t really about weight anymore.  I mean, sure I want to lose more fat, but I am much more interested in improving my athletic abilities now.  I’m thinking of all the things I could try to do that I’ve never done before like rock climbing, running marathons, kickboxing… the possibilities are endless.

I’ve spent most of my life focused on non-physical parts of myself.  I’ve devoted endless hours to art, reading, writing, music and other intellectual pursuits.  I’m a classical guitarist, an accomplished digital and traditional artist, very well read, quite informed.  But I never really paid that much attention to my physical abilities.  I think I couldn’t because I really hated my body.  I didn’t even want to think about anything that would make me focus on my physical being. It always seemed like this shell I was trapped in, not truly a part of me.  I’ve come to realize how untrue that is.

Our bodies are a part of us.  My body IS me.  Yes, I have my intellect and my emotions, but I never really put much thought into just how tied my inner person is to my body.  They are not two separate things.

I’ve become very aware of just how lucky I am that I caught myself before I lost my health.  If I had kept gaining weight the way I was, I certainly would have been in a wheelchair eventually.   And if I had kept starving myself the way I did in the past, I could have lost even more of myself, inner and outer.

Realizing all this has made me accept myself.  I may not be gorgeous like the women I see on tv and in magazines, but why did that ever stop me from loving myself?  Why did I think that one way was the only acceptable way for a woman to look?  Why didn’t I see it all along?  All of that is a farce.  When I look around me at my job or the gym or the grocery store, I see many types of women and very few of them look like a model.  My artist’s eye finds all people aesthetically pleasing in one way or another, and now I can say that includes myself.

When I read the heartbreaking stories of women with eating disorders, I finally see it for what it is: such a tragic mistake.  How sad that people are so afraid of being fat that they would rather be dead.  What incredibly flawed logic.  I think I understand where it comes from.

Anyway, I’m running away from all that!  Now I want to lose weight, not to fit into anyone else’s mold of what a woman should be, but to maximize my own physical potential and to honor my body the way it deserves.

Here’s to the next mile!

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