It’s pretty surreal, to be honest. I remember when I decided to lose the weight. It wasn’t like a lightning bolt kind of moment when everything changed. It was a normal day. We had moved across the country from the northeast to the southwest a few months before. We had sold my boyfriend’s weight lifting equipment and talked about joining a gym. Then one day we went to visit one. It was nice, close, and pretty cheap so we signed up. And that’s how it started.
One of the first things I did at the gym was weigh myself. I hadn’t weighed myself in at least a year. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant.
287 pounds. That is the heaviest known weight I have ever been or will ever be.
A few days later I was looking for a website to help me count calories. I signed up for myfatsecret.com. I entered my weight. And then it asked me for a goal weight. I remember contemplating this and knowing that if I was going to lose the weight and make myself healthy, it was going to take a long time. I wondered if I could stick with it. I wondered if I would be able to change my habits. I wondered how miserable it was going to be.
The only way to find out was to try. I entered 180 pounds as my goal weight. Not really necessarily expecting to ever get there. It was a nice round number so distant from my initial weight it was more of a nebulous dream than a concrete goal.
And now I am 7 pounds way. I have lost 100 pounds and I didn’t know I could do it until I did it. And it wasn’t miserable. It has quite frankly been one of the best experiences of my life. I feel so empowered by it. I did this. I stuck it out. I changed. I was brave and I took a good hard look at myself and my habits. What I saw was bad, but it wasn’t unfixable. So I fixed it.
I am not going to gain the weight back because I am different now.
As momentous as it is to lose 100 pounds, it is nothing compared to what I have gained in terms of my physical health, my overall confidence level, my mental health, and my ability to deal with life and its inevitable stresses. And even more than all of that, I have learned finally to accept myself and love myself, flaws and all.