Earlier this year, when I saw a picture of Crystal at her “plus size weight” I was amazed at how beautiful she was in a way you rarely see celebrated in the media. I consider myself a fan. I loved her book, Hungry. It had so many relate-able moments for me. I’ve written about her several times in various posts.
I realized a few weeks ago that I am thinner than the photos that once inspired me.
And now Crystal is thinner as well.
The furor over her recent weight loss resonates with me yet again. People in my own life also have a hard time with change. They don’t know how to compliment me without it being a backhanded compliment. The suggestions that I’m “too thin” or should “eat a cheeseburger” are really quite absurd. And hurtful. My body is mine and mine alone. No one else should feel it is their place to tell me what I should weigh or look like. Let that be my decision.
Crystal Renn is gorgeous. She’s gorgeous now- at size 8/10. She was gorgeous at size 14. And she was gorgeous at size 0 – though she was quite ill, her inner beauty shone through. I cannot imagine being her and having my every weight fluctuation scrutinized and criticized in the media. At her heaviest, some people called her too fat. At her thinnest, too thin. And now, she has recently gone through a difficult break up and reintroduced exercise into her life and has lost a few pounds. And people are calling her a hypocrite.
How can people not see that berating someone for losing weight is exactly the same as judging her for gaining it? I know it is too much to expect of people, but I wish they could just let Crystal be whatever makes her happy and healthy. There IS something between size 14 and size 0, you know? I’m in the same place. I love my body it’s current at size 10/12. But love and self acceptance don’t mean I stop trying to improve my figure. Why should it? Loving my body actually makes me MORE desirous of eating well and exercising, not less. And if the result is further weight loss, is it really necessary for people to say I am too thin? People have a very hard time with change.
I know the world looks at weight as this fairy tale. Be thin, be happy. Or accept yourself, be happy. But it isn’t that way. One can love herself, be happy, and still find her weight changes, purposefully or not. One can love oneself and still desire to change. Weight loss isn’t always a good thing, but it isn’t always a destructive thing either.
Let Crystal decide what her ideal size is. As long as she is healthy, I don’t give a rat’s ass what size she is. She’s still a hero and role model to me.