One year ago today, I started this blog. (Happy Birthday, Blog!) One of my first posts summed up my prior weight struggles:
Here I am, exactly one year later and I have undone the damage that I previously did and undid and did again. So today seems like the perfect day to reaffirm the reasons I will never, never, never, ever, be back to tell you about losing 100 pounds and gaining it and losing it and gaining again.
- I didn’t diet, I changed my lifestyle.
- I have found the joy of exercise. It’s no longer a chore, instead it is something I look forward to. And I know that I have to keep moving my body for the rest of my life if I want to keep the weight off.
- I’ve been there, done that. If there’s a mistake to be made, I’ve made it. I have gained the weight back before. I know it won’t keep itself off. I know that old habits = old body.
- I found a way to love food and still be healthy. I have found a way of eating that is meaningful and enjoyable to me. I can’t fathom filling my body with the crap I used to eat. But I’m also not denying that food is a pleasure and a joyful celebration as well as a huge part of social interaction. Instead of trying to deny that, I have found ways to work with it and make it work for me.
- I have made myself accountable. I’ve told everyone you can think of. I’ve told my friends, family and coworkers. I’ve told you blog readers. I’ve told everyone on fatsecret.com in my close to 4000 posts on that site. I’m accountable to myself and to you.
- I have changed my mindset. I will no longer place blame on external forces for my weight. I will accept the things I cannot change in my life and change the things I can.
- I lost the weight slowly and I have practiced maintenance. I know that maintenance doesn’t just happen. It’s a choice and an action just like weight loss.
- I put my health at the top of my priority list. Without health, there can be no other priorities.
- I realized that drinking was just as big a part of my weight gain as overeating. And I have cut drinking to occasionally only.
- I did this for myself and nobody else. My body is mine and mine alone. It is up to me to determine the proper weight for myself. Naysayers be damned.
- I have learned that there is no chart that can define me, no perfect number to achieve and no weight that will make me OK with myself. I have to be OK with myself regardless of weight. Self-acceptance and weight are separate. Even if I did gain this weight back, it wouldn’t make me a bad person, only human. Humans make mistakes. I have made mistakes. There are physical markers of the mistakes I have made on my perfectly flawed body. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I own my past. I love fat me just the same as thin me.
- I found out the truth: my mind IS a part of my body. No longer do I believe I am trapped inside a prison of a body, I AM my body. What I eat and how I move not only changed my external appearance, they changed the health of my internal person.
- I know how easy it is to slip back into old habits. I know how easy it is to gain the weight back. I know how many people gain the weight back. But I also know it’s MY choice only, nobody else’s. There are no magical weight faeries that will creep in and put the fat back on me. I choose. And today, I reaffirm my choice to keep this weight off for good.
Earlier this year, a person on fatsecret told me “never say never” about weight regain because most people gain the weight back and I shouldn’t think it impossible that it would happen to me too. At the time that made me angry. But now, I’m glad she said that. It made me really focus on why I am not going to gain it back. The thing is, I know already how likely it is. I’ve been here before. I’ve said this before. I’ve said “never again” more times than anyone can imagine. But I didn’t follow through. “Never again” isn’t about saying it, it’s about doing it. And I am going to do it. I take an active role in my destiny. I don’t think past failure dooms me to future failure. I think the only way to do this is to say never and to actively choose never. It’s all up to me, nobody else. I choose.
And I choose never to gain this weight back as long as I live.