There you go, BMI chart, doctors, and insurance companies. I am no longer “overweight” by your standards. My BMI is officially 24.9 which means that my weight is now “normal.” I have gone from a BMI of 43.9 to 24.9, from “obese” to “normal.”
I apologize for all the quotation marks. I’m just rather disgusted by the way we categorize ours bodies, so I can’t take the labels seriously. It is absurd to think that one pound makes the difference between an acceptable category of weight and an unacceptable one. Guess what? I’m wearing the same jeans I wore on Monday. They fit the same. I look the same. Well, maybe a tiny bit leaner. I still contend that my weight has been quite healthy since about 180 lb. I’m getting toward the low end of what is healthy for me personally- not the top end as the BMI chart would suggest. There is no way I could ever weigh 128 pounds, the lowest “healthy” weight for my height, or I would be seriously ill.
So if my weight is healthy, why am I still losing? Well, it isn’t purposeful. I have accepted my body as is. I consider myself in maintenance. Maintenance for me means accepting that my weight fluctuates in a range. Until today, that range has been 165-168 lb. Today it fluctuated down to a new low. I exercise regularly. I eat very well. It is natural that my weight will adjust at times.
I find it interesting that I feel very emotionally disconnected from this number that would have meant so much to me in the past. It is the lowest weight I have ever been in my adult life. But seeing that number on the scale this morning wasn’t something that made me jump for joy. It was more “well, I’ll be. Look at that.” Disconnected curiosity. My weight is what it is. I don’t define myself by it. What a wonderful feeling it is to realize that.
Yesterday I went clothes shopping. I am on a mission to find a pair of jeans that fits me perfectly. I don’t care what size is listed on the tag – I find I fit everything from 8 to 12 depending on the brand and cut – I just want them to fit my body. Needless to say, this is not a simple task nor do I expect it to be. With the wide range of bodies we women have, it would be silly to expect jeans manufacturers to know exactly what my body is like. I figure that I will just keep trying on different brands until I find one that seems made for me.
So yesterday I decided to try on jeans at Ann Taylor LOFT. I love a lot of their clothes, but have never tried their jeans. So first I grabbed a 12, curvy. I would have grabbed a 10 but they were out. They didn’t fit. They were perfect in the thighs, pretty good on the waist, and very loose in the hip/bum. So I asked the sales lady what she thought I should try on next. She looked at me and looked at the jeans and said “Oh! No wonder they don’t fit. Those are the curvy style. You need the lean style with your body type.”
Wait, what?? I’m no longer “curvy?” I guess she was right too because the next pair she brought was a 10 in a lean style and they fit great in the waist and hips. But the thighs were too tight. So, the search continues. It was just an interesting moment to realize that I need to rethink what my body type is now. I’m not just a smaller version of my former self. I’m a completely different shape. I like the shape I am now.